Jack James Flanigan’s Birth Story
What It Took To Get Here…
It is still hard to believe I get to write this story right now. We struggled with secondary infertility for over a year and it was harder than I ever thought. Many of you have followed me along this journey as I have shared the ups and downs. In summary, we had no issues getting pregnant with Stella, so we assumed it would be the same the second time. After a few months of nothing happening, I knew something was not right. We had all the preliminary tests done with my OB when she recommended we see a fertility specialist. We had our first appointment in September 2019. I will never forget the feeling I had after leaving that appointment. You can read more about it here, but I knew this was not going to be an “easy fix” as I had once again, “assumed”. So after 3 rounds of failed IUIs we decided in January 2020 to do IVF and you can read about the reasons for that here.
We started our IVF process end of February 2020, the start of the Coronavirus Pandemic. I had my egg retrieval on March 18th, 2020, 2 days before the state shut down. We were SO lucky. 2 days later I had to go to the hospital because I had Ovarian Hyperstimulation from my retrieval. NOT fun. I was petrified I was going to get Covid after being in a hospital. You have to remember, this was the very beginning when we all knew nothing. Our transfer was pushed out a month which looking back now was a positive. I was able to run and drink during the 2020 lockdown! As you could imagine those two things were helpful in staying sane! Finally on May 26th we had our transfer! It was a day filled of hope, nerves and so much worry all at once. On June 3rd, we found out we were pregnant with Jack! I do not think words can express how nervous Jeff and I were to take that pregnancy test! We both looked at each other with tears in our eyes and said, “it worked”. It freaking worked! I am welling up now thinking about that moment.
And here we are, a family of 4...finally! After all this, I thought it would only be fitting if I shared the birth story of Jack. I never wrote a post on Stella’s birth, and I wish I had. I did write on the early days of newborn life, and then one about my struggle with breastfeeding , but it would have been fun to write out her actual story of how she came into this crazy world! I also love reading other women’s stories because they are all so unique and in an odd way I find them comforting. And it is true what they say every baby’s story is SO different.
Day of our transfer! May 26th, 2020
Jack’s Birth Story
To say I was anxious to get this little guy out is an understatement. Once I hit 38 weeks, I was like “Ok! Let’s go!” The last few weeks are SO uncomfortable. The fluid build up is ridiculous and my waddle should have had its own name. So attractive. For some background, I had an induction massage with Stella at 39 weeks + 2 days. That night I went into labor with her and she was born the next day. So obviously my plan was to do an induction massage this time around too! Well, that didn’t work with little JJ. The following day (February 4th) I went to acupuncture in hopes my lovely acupuncturist would be able to stick the needles in all the right places to signal the uterus to get going. I could actually feel my uterus contracting...it was INSANE. I left feeling totally confident that it would happen that night. WRONG. I woke up the next day still super pregnant with no signs of actual active labor. I was so pissed. I ran, I walked, I bounced on the damn birthing ball, AND I ate...a lot.
Our family walk post acupuncture session. I really thought Jack would be there the next day. Oh and doesn’t Stella look thrilled?
Sunday, February 7th/Super Bowl Sunday
Still 0 movement. I was OVER IT. This is the day I was desperate and decided to take castor oil. Before you “@me” (isn’t that what the kids say these days??), I did it safely and even asked my dr about it. My friend swore it worked for her and she didn't have any adverse effects. So I sent my sweet husband to the store (bless him- he really was so patient w me). The recommended dose is 2 tbsp. I believe, but I wasn’t trying to have major diarrhea, so I started slow after referring to Dr. Google naturally. I took 1 tsp dissolved in an electrolyte drink. I was very careful not to dehydrate myself which can happen when you take it. 3 hours later, I took another tsp. And then I waited. I was already having some lower back pain, but it started to progress. We went on a walk around 5pm and I started to feel some slight contractions...it was happening! This was my second time around so I was pretty confident it was very early labor.
Sunday Night
After our walk, I was definitely feeling it but it was manageable and I knew it could be a while until anything of significance started happening. I texted my doula and she thought we would most likely be going to the hospital later the following day. We made sure our bags were packed and settled in to watch Tom Brady play in the Super Bowl...again (insert eye roll emoji here). If you know me or follow me on instagram you know my feelings on Tom Brady and this past SuperBowl. I will not get into it, but let’s just say they're not favorable! I could have cared less about the game this year. I ordered a big tray of nachos and was in my bed at 9pm, because what a BORING game.
The contractions were starting to get stronger, but still nothing terrible. My doula kept telling me to get some sleep. Yea right. Arnd 11pm I decided I would try and doze off, and that is when they started to get painful. Not anything crazy but it was becoming hard to speak. So Jeff drew me a bath and I got in, and just layed there for a couple hours. We decided at that point to have my mom come over and stay because it was looking like we would need to leave around 6am (or earlier). So she came over and went to sleep in the guest room. 2 hours later, the contractions were anywhere from 4-7 minutes apart. And they were starting to hurt. However around 5am, they were about 3-4 minutes apart and each one made me feel like I was going to vomit. Time to go!
Monday Morning
Around 6am we headed to the hospital, vomit bag in hand! Everyone had told me that the second time around, labor was half the time of your first. Stella’s was 12 hours so I “assumed” I was looking at a nice quick 6 hour labor. This is why I planned to try and withhold from an epidural. I had labored 8 of the 12 without one for Stella, so I figured I got this. Joke was on me.
At 7am, I was only 4cm dilated. They asked me if I wanted to go home. HA. I was like no way. I am having this baby today. I am not going home. My Dr decided to break my water which I thought was going to be painful, but it wasn’t that bad. That definitely sped things up. I went from 4cm to 6cm within a couple hours. The contractions were definitely picking up so my doula suggested I get in one of those big tubs where the water stays super hot. I was not planning on this but at the time, I figured I would do anuthingh to help ease the pain. It helped slightly. I still found myself hunched over the side vomiting into a bag. Labor is so pretty.
UGHHH…right when I wanted to lose it.
At that point it was close to 11am and I had a moment of, “why am I doing this without drugs? Who am I trying to prove anything to??”. As I explained these feelings to my doula and husband, she suggested I see how far I progressed. They checked me and I had moved 0 cm...0! They wanted to start me on some pitocin to get things moving. I have heard that being on an IV of pitocin makes the contractions incredibly more painful. This is the moment I said F*** it. I want that epidural! I had not slept in over 24 hours at that point and was so uncomfortable. A huge part of me felt guilty because I had hired a doula and told everyone I wanted to do this wo drugs. Here is the thing, I can handle pain when I send the end in sight. And there were no signs of an end for a few more hours + pitocin. And ultimately as I mentioned before, what am I trying to prove. Absolutely nothing.
About an hour later, I could have kissed the anesthesiologist. I knew I would mourn my failed attempt at a drug free labor later, but at the moment in time I did not give a damn. I got to relax.
By around 5pm, I was finally ready to push. With Stella, I pushed for maybe a little over 30 minutes. My nurse, doula, and Dr were very confident this would be fairly quick. HA. Let’s just say everyone was wrong. Not only was Jack’s labor longer, I pushed for over 2 hours with him. Thank the sweet Lord I got that epidural. He was in a very odd sideways position which explains why my back labor was so bad the whole time. It hurt. I pushed and pushed and nothing. I was crying, I was scared and so frustrated. At one point, they all kept saying, “we see his head!” I am not sure what time that was, but I pushed some more and there was not much progress. I turned to Jeff in tears and told him I cannot do this. I was like WTF?! Verbatim. I said that a few times.
My sweet nurse, Michelle was handing me this mirror telling me to trust her! She said, “I see the head! Take this mirror if you don’t believe me!” I am not one of those people who is interested in seeing a head pop out of a vagina (even if it was my own) so I politely declined. As time kept going and nothing was progressing, I began to get more frustrated. Michelle kept insisting I use the mirror, my doula was handing me a breathing mask encouraging me every step of the way reaffirming how strong I was. My Dr. told me that I needed to keep trying or else we were looking at using a vacuum, forceps, or c-section. I later learned that had an OR on hold for me in case. Poor Jack was basically stuck in the birth canal for over an hour or so.
Finally at 6:58pm, Jack James arrived (sideways and w the biggest conehead!) and I was able to scoop him up. The scary thing was he wasn’t screaming like they wanted. He has swallowed meconium and it was in his lungs. They let me hold him, but he was taken after for 2 whole hours! He didn’t have to go the NICU luckily. But wow...with Jeff and my baby gone, I was hysterical. I could not stop crying. The emotions that you experience right after birth are like no other, but this experience was really heightened for me. After Stella was born, it was so happy. Jeff and I had an hour alone with her then my parents and sister joined us. I was lying in that bed so cold feeling so helpless. I kept calling Jeff asking him what was going on. Thankfully after Jack’s lungs were clear and he got a good cry, we were reunited with him. But man, that 2 hours felt like an eternity.
In a way Jack’s story seems fitting because it was a fight to get him into existence and a fight to get him physically into this world. All I know is that the emotions I felt when I saw my baby and held him close were unparalleled to anything I have ever experienced. I went through the ringer for this little guy, and here he was in my arms.
“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.”
Psalm 127:3
Jack James is sweet, sensitive and super snuggly. I cannot imagine him not being in our lives. And to think I didn’t want a boy!
